Worries and whatnot

Six months, still not fighting, and still counting... I'm scared that the reason we're not fighting is because we're not communicating. We talk. A lot. But I still don't feel like I talk enough.

I've also been changed/ am changing. And for the better, I must say. I cook more now (it's something that should be practiced, and develops with time, trust me!) and even bake. I'm also a whole LOT healthier. I used to be a totally sedentary sloth, but now I can swim 1km (that's 40 laps in the pool) in less than an hour, but I still stop a lot in between. Am working on that. I've also been going to the gym for 3 months now and my arms are noticeably bigger. I bench 35lbs. I'm supposed to move on to 40lbs but I don't feel confident enough to lift that much. Of course all of this is to offset the increased alcohol intake! And coffee (with full cream milk, or ice cream even!).

Despite all these good changes, I worry that I'm the only one changing. Why? Not that I have any complaints about him at all. I just want to feel like I made a difference in his life.

I'm complaining but I know I shouldn't be.

Life is good.

But it's better when we're together. :)

Crisis Averted

Once in a while, The Boy and I would exclaim that we haven't fought yet despite going out for x number of months. I find it really cute that we do that. It's also extremely pleasing to know we haven't fought yet.

In my last relationship, I knew we weren't going to last from the very beginning. Why did I get into it knowing that anyway? Um, "learning is a lifelong endeavor" is my excuse. Hehe. Two months into the relationship and I was already crying many bitter tears. What did we fight about?, friends asked. Really little things, I'd answer. It wasn't like we were of different religions or had opposing political views (how can that be when I have none? haha!)... it's just really little things.

Last night, The Boy and I almost got into a fight. Well, we got into a mild argument, but we both made a conscious effort to drop it, and really, it made all the difference. Over a round of beer, he chuckled at what almost occurred and he exclaimed, "So that's how it begins..."

It's all about butting heads and not letting the subject drop. I admit, I started the whole thing when I mentioned I was displeased by something he did, which he followed by a rationalization of doing what he did. Sometimes, reason is not what we're after, but emotion. Arguments break out when you *think* you're right. It pays to step back from your head-butting to realize you're going head-to-head over such a little trifle. And then you wonder, is it even worth it? And then you realize it's not and that time is more well-spent enjoying a nice cold bottle of beer (each!) hand-in-hand. :)

Baker's dozen

It's been 10 years since we last had an oven at home. I used to bake oatmeal-raisin cookies by the batch, pineapple-upside down cakes for my grandmother, cheesecakes for my brother. And then the oven conked out and I never baked anything ever again. Until this week.

I had recently acquired a trusty little oven, not quite big enough for a batch of cookies, but spacious enough to accommodate a 9-in pie plate or a roasting chicken. Definitely better than nothing! I started off by trying my hand at baking food, like roast chicken and fish. And then 2 days ago, I was craving for Lemon Squares, one of my favorite desserts. Thanks to Google, I was able to whip up a crumbly little tart buttery (a little bit too buttery, methinks; must modify that) cookie which I must say, wasn't too bad for my first attempt at baking after a decade!

And yesterday I was craving for brownies. Dark, sinful, fudgy little squares. Google and my trusty little oven delivered.

It doesn't help that I've been reading up on nutrition and have calculated my calorie intake to be 1800 at the most, but I'd like to keep it down to 1600. That's per day, and not per meal! A Quarter Pounder w/ cheese at McDonald's is already 510 calories! That's just for reference. I don't eat there often, and I hardly ever order the Quarter Pounder w/ cheese, much to The Boy's dismay. Hee.

So yesterday I gave The Boy a few squares of each, and asked him to comment on them, my first foray into baking in this millennium. "But it's my job to do the cooking!" was his response. It ain't easy to please someone who cooks wonderfully and whose mom bakes the most delectable goodies! He did say the lemon squares were good, but he'd prefer them with a thicker crust, and the brownies were a tad bit too sweet and could use a bit more chocolate. It just really slid by me though, because I was still grinning over my guy who insists that he does the cooking.

Now if only I could get him to do the ironing. :)

5.0

That's my ring-size.

I measured it YEARS ago with my good male friend G. He asked me to accompany him to a jewelry store because he wanted to approximate his then-girlfriend-now-fiancee's ring-size, which he guessed was close to mine.

Now there's a ring on her finger, and there's none on mine.

WAIT A MINUTE.

No, I will not fall into that I-want-to-get-married-NOW trap. Call it denial, but I'm really not married for that. Er, I meant ready. Freudian slip! I really did type it out that way.

I am, though, jolted by the sudden reverberations of wedding bells.

Last week, I learned that my college friend and his fiancee were getting married (civilly) this month. Last Saturday, I attended the wedding of another schoolmate. Ten minutes ago, I received an email from a former close friend of mine. Her then-boyfriend-now-fiance had just proposed to her.

On the downside, one good friend just broke up with her beau and another potentially might because of the LACK of wedding bells in their relationships.

Whether they're amusing peals or deafening knells, I really can't escape these wedding bells!

And sorry, I honestly did not mean to rhyme there.

The Marry Month of May

I wanted to get married at 27. One of the reasons was because 2005 seemed like a good year to get married. Rather, it sounded like a good year to get married. 2006 didn't sound too good -- I don't particularly like the number 6. And 2007 was, well... it seemed a little bit too late.

Then 2007 rolls around with no marriage prospects in sight. Despite being attached now, marriage is a loooong way off. A distant future. A remote possibility.

Londongirl visited from, well, London, and we got together: her, J and I. Three would-be spinsters. Londongirl wondered why we were nowhere near matrimonial bliss. Were we that bad? J is just about ready to throw in the towel by the end of the year if her SO doesn't propose by then. Me? I just sat there wondering, why do women think getting married is the end-all and be-all of their existence anyway?

Ok, maybe it was sour-graping, or rationalization, but really... a lot of people out there think everything will be nice and pretty when they get married. But it won't. I realize now that it's just another phase, it's just another struggle. I'm not saying I don't want to get into it for those reasons. What I'm trying to say is that myth, media, fairytales... they're all trying to sell us happy-ever-after.

Uncle Priest said there's no such thing as a perfect marriage. It's all about perfecting it. And no one gets it right ALL the time. Like I said, it's a struggle. It's a cycle.

Then there's the question of why get married if I don't want to have kids anyway? Ugh. I will have to ruminate on that some more. Then again, don't single people have bigger tax deductions? Hehe.

Keep on swimming

Three months with The Boy and kinda counting. Kinda because we're not marking every month with a monthsary. We'd both like to think we've graduated from these little obligatory dealings. It's kind of like we're not in a relationship; it's like being single with couple perks. Does that make sense? The trick is not to have too many expectations. Admittedly, he's having an easier time with that than me.

After mulling over relationships last night, I've reached the conclusion that it's really about managing expectations. Aligning them. It's also applicable to life, not just relationships. That way, you rarely get disappointed.

Now what I can't align with that is positive thinking. I believe that thoughts aren't just thoughts -- they're little balls of energy. They have power. Right now I'm trying to convince myself that "not expecting" is different from "not dreaming big" or "not thinking positive." I mean, expecting and dreaming are two different things right? Right. (mental note to talk this over with The Boy)

I really like this relationship because it's really light. I think I'm the one who's adding a heavier tone to it. And the only reason that's happening is because I seriously don't want to screw this relationship up. Oh brother.

It's a spiral I have to swim out of.

or

It's a jellyfish colony I have to bounce out of.

or

It's an East Australian Current I have to exit out of.




Ok, ok. The Nemo references end here. ;P

Say Uncle

I had the most interesting conversation with an uncle recently. Let's call him by the name of MP because he is a married priest. That is, he left the priesthood and THEN got married. Having studied a lot of psychology, and having seen the sacrament of marriage from both sides, he has a lot of insight on it. For example, he says of marriage (adapted from another priest he heard say this): "It's not about two people joining together to become one unit. It's two people holding hands to face the world." Aw.

He gave advice on how to build a successful relationship: "Kill your mother's instinct." He was referring to a female's natural capacity to nurture someone, but in the relationship context, it's more like saving someone. He has a point. The past few relationships I've been in, I did try to be the other person's life preserver/ life jacket. Not fun. It gets tiring after awhile. Years later I realized that you're really not supposed to be in a relationship to change/save him. Well, not in any major life-altering way. (bad haircuts and poor taste in clothes somewhat do not count. hehe.)

As a result, I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. I don't know if I'll succeed with this one. "There's no such thing as a 'perfect relationship'," he counseled. It can be a "perfecting" relationship where each day is a struggle to make it perfect, but it never is. It's just about having more crests than troughs. One point I remember from a, uh, seminar I attended a few years back, is if you still want to be with that person when you dislike him (her) the most, it's love. One of the most applicable things I've ever heard about the word love is it's a verb, not a noun, not an adjective. It denotes action, and a conscious one at that. You may fall in love, but choosing to stay in it? It's a choice one has to make.

Funny how I always feel like a novice when it comes to this stuff, at least in its application. I may write about it like I know sh*t about it, but I don't. There's always something new to learn. I'm sure the experts will agree. :)