Say Uncle
I had the most interesting conversation with an uncle recently. Let's call him by the name of MP because he is a married priest. That is, he left the priesthood and THEN got married. Having studied a lot of psychology, and having seen the sacrament of marriage from both sides, he has a lot of insight on it. For example, he says of marriage (adapted from another priest he heard say this): "It's not about two people joining together to become one unit. It's two people holding hands to face the world." Aw.
He gave advice on how to build a successful relationship: "Kill your mother's instinct." He was referring to a female's natural capacity to nurture someone, but in the relationship context, it's more like saving someone. He has a point. The past few relationships I've been in, I did try to be the other person's life preserver/ life jacket. Not fun. It gets tiring after awhile. Years later I realized that you're really not supposed to be in a relationship to change/save him. Well, not in any major life-altering way. (bad haircuts and poor taste in clothes somewhat do not count. hehe.)
As a result, I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. I don't know if I'll succeed with this one. "There's no such thing as a 'perfect relationship'," he counseled. It can be a "perfecting" relationship where each day is a struggle to make it perfect, but it never is. It's just about having more crests than troughs. One point I remember from a, uh, seminar I attended a few years back, is if you still want to be with that person when you dislike him (her) the most, it's love. One of the most applicable things I've ever heard about the word love is it's a verb, not a noun, not an adjective. It denotes action, and a conscious one at that. You may fall in love, but choosing to stay in it? It's a choice one has to make.
Funny how I always feel like a novice when it comes to this stuff, at least in its application. I may write about it like I know sh*t about it, but I don't. There's always something new to learn. I'm sure the experts will agree. :)
He gave advice on how to build a successful relationship: "Kill your mother's instinct." He was referring to a female's natural capacity to nurture someone, but in the relationship context, it's more like saving someone. He has a point. The past few relationships I've been in, I did try to be the other person's life preserver/ life jacket. Not fun. It gets tiring after awhile. Years later I realized that you're really not supposed to be in a relationship to change/save him. Well, not in any major life-altering way. (bad haircuts and poor taste in clothes somewhat do not count. hehe.)
As a result, I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. I don't know if I'll succeed with this one. "There's no such thing as a 'perfect relationship'," he counseled. It can be a "perfecting" relationship where each day is a struggle to make it perfect, but it never is. It's just about having more crests than troughs. One point I remember from a, uh, seminar I attended a few years back, is if you still want to be with that person when you dislike him (her) the most, it's love. One of the most applicable things I've ever heard about the word love is it's a verb, not a noun, not an adjective. It denotes action, and a conscious one at that. You may fall in love, but choosing to stay in it? It's a choice one has to make.
Funny how I always feel like a novice when it comes to this stuff, at least in its application. I may write about it like I know sh*t about it, but I don't. There's always something new to learn. I'm sure the experts will agree. :)
posted by portergirl @ 12:31 AM
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