The Marry Month of May

I wanted to get married at 27. One of the reasons was because 2005 seemed like a good year to get married. Rather, it sounded like a good year to get married. 2006 didn't sound too good -- I don't particularly like the number 6. And 2007 was, well... it seemed a little bit too late.

Then 2007 rolls around with no marriage prospects in sight. Despite being attached now, marriage is a loooong way off. A distant future. A remote possibility.

Londongirl visited from, well, London, and we got together: her, J and I. Three would-be spinsters. Londongirl wondered why we were nowhere near matrimonial bliss. Were we that bad? J is just about ready to throw in the towel by the end of the year if her SO doesn't propose by then. Me? I just sat there wondering, why do women think getting married is the end-all and be-all of their existence anyway?

Ok, maybe it was sour-graping, or rationalization, but really... a lot of people out there think everything will be nice and pretty when they get married. But it won't. I realize now that it's just another phase, it's just another struggle. I'm not saying I don't want to get into it for those reasons. What I'm trying to say is that myth, media, fairytales... they're all trying to sell us happy-ever-after.

Uncle Priest said there's no such thing as a perfect marriage. It's all about perfecting it. And no one gets it right ALL the time. Like I said, it's a struggle. It's a cycle.

Then there's the question of why get married if I don't want to have kids anyway? Ugh. I will have to ruminate on that some more. Then again, don't single people have bigger tax deductions? Hehe.

Keep on swimming

Three months with The Boy and kinda counting. Kinda because we're not marking every month with a monthsary. We'd both like to think we've graduated from these little obligatory dealings. It's kind of like we're not in a relationship; it's like being single with couple perks. Does that make sense? The trick is not to have too many expectations. Admittedly, he's having an easier time with that than me.

After mulling over relationships last night, I've reached the conclusion that it's really about managing expectations. Aligning them. It's also applicable to life, not just relationships. That way, you rarely get disappointed.

Now what I can't align with that is positive thinking. I believe that thoughts aren't just thoughts -- they're little balls of energy. They have power. Right now I'm trying to convince myself that "not expecting" is different from "not dreaming big" or "not thinking positive." I mean, expecting and dreaming are two different things right? Right. (mental note to talk this over with The Boy)

I really like this relationship because it's really light. I think I'm the one who's adding a heavier tone to it. And the only reason that's happening is because I seriously don't want to screw this relationship up. Oh brother.

It's a spiral I have to swim out of.

or

It's a jellyfish colony I have to bounce out of.

or

It's an East Australian Current I have to exit out of.




Ok, ok. The Nemo references end here. ;P