Sloshed

I was just on the phone for a little under 30 minutes with A. He asked me how come I don't drink? He's never seen me drunk. It's not surprising. The only constant in my life who was there with me (at the same event, not in the bathroom) during all the times I've gotten drunk to the point of throwing up was C. I've only thrown up twice in my life because of too much booze. Other times, I take in only as much alcohol that I know I can handle. I guess in a way, you can say I don't "let myself go."

It's not pleasant to be conscious of who you are all the time. Always acting proper. Always catching your own back. But that's what I've grown accustomed to. I could be silly. I could be green. I could be so crass I'd make your grandma blush, but all these things I am aware of. I've never reached a point where I didn't know what I was doing (save for my last relationship -- but no booze was required for that >:P).

A asked me how come I don't drink and I gave a really simple answer: it costs money. Haha! I said that to a guy who lives on a monthly paycheck equivalent to my yearly salary, I think. He countered that by saying that he doesn't see me drink a lot even when it's in his house and drinks are flowing like the storm raging outside my window right now. At least he didn't think of me as a freeloader! Haha!

But really. I take great pains to make sure I'm not crazy drunk. And it doesn't need a lot of alcohol to make me lose my inhibitions. Really. And when I drink more than the amount needed to make me lose my inhibitions, then I become quiet. I'm quiet when I'm drunk. Because I don't want anyone to know that I *am* drunk. And if I do become quiet when I'm drunk, more quiet than I already am, isn't that a perfect reason not to get drunk?

Statistics

On the radio yesterday, the DJ said that 47% of men smoke.

My friend told me about the dinner she attended with 8 other married people: 6 guys, 2 girls. None of them were married to each other. All the guys have cheated on their wives. The 2 girls have been cheated on by their husbands.

I don't know the statistics on gay men, but there are a whole lot of them out there.

That leaves how many non-smoking, loyal, available men?

Ok, so smoking isn't a super heavy variable, but I still would like to go out with a non-smoker. They taste better!

I sort of taught 3 of them exes how to smoke properly, and now they're all smokers, and I'm still not. It's a fun pasttime though, especially with good coffee and an intellectually stimulating conversation. Not that I'm craving for a cig right now. It was just fun, doing that. That's it.

Loyalty. Or infidelity. Now that's a BIG one. One of the women who was at that dinner, she told my friend that it's a given. Men WILL cheat. Is it really that black and white? Is it really a challenge every couple will face? How to go on despite someone's infidelity?

I'm not going to wash my hands of anything. I *have* been there, sort of. I've been with a guy who had a girlfriend when we were going out. And I don't feel guilty about it. Of course I have a million and one rationalizations as to why it wasn't something to be remorseful about. I guess all those cheating guys have their reasons too.

I've been feeling quite lonely these past few days. I don't know if it's because my birthday is coming up. One year older and no one special to celebrate with and all that shit. Or maybe because it's almost a year too, since I've had anyone special.

Then I laugh at myself because if I *really* wanted to, I could go out on a date with these guys asking me out so it's a self-inflicted sort of pain.

And then there's my head saying I'm NOT ready for another relationship anyway. There's a guy out there somewhere who's equally looking forward to being with me, and we will be perfect for each other in every possible way. And I honestly believe these things but I still feel lonely. I'm lonely right NOW.

And still I wait...

I kissed I kissed dating goodbye goodbye

For some weird reason, I don't trust people who live by the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

C started it when she was reading that book in school during practices. A few months later she was wed because, uh, her dating bore fruit.

I kissed dating goodbye but said hello to sex?

I'm not saying that we should all be prudes and hang on real tight to our chastity belts lest they be pried open by uncouth barbarians. I just find the people who read that book kinda... I dunno... something I can't quite put a finger on but doesn't sit well with me. Just like the guy calling me up now who has that book listed among his favorites. :P

World Cup Fever

I don't know what it is about me and not keeping up with the times, but people have been SCORING GOALS around me while I'm just an observer in the game. I look on amusedly; I cheer; I get mad, but I just *don't* play those games.

Of course I'm not talking about *the* World Cup here. These are the games people play. Games I am privy to. Games I don't allow myself to get suckered into.

Ok, so maybe, out on the field, I guard my goal a little bit too defensively. Talk isn't cheap. It's priceless. And if I can't get into a verbal tussle with the other player, sorry, game's off.

Yesterday, over an innocent snack of crepes and tea, I cackled with some girl friends as naughty stories, comments and sidecracks were tossed like a soccer ball in a German stadium. This morning, another friend just told me he had scored another goal. I am leading such a prudish, prudish existence next to them. And am I complaining? No, I'm not. I'm not praying for the salvation of their souls either. The ball is in their court and they're old enough to know what to do with it.

In the meantime, I'm holding on to my red card and sitting this game out.

Breast friends

One of my best friends is getting a boob job right now AT THIS VERY MOMENT. What drove her to do this, I don't know. *I'm* the one who gets all the flak about having teeny-tiny boobies, not her!

I can think of 101 ways to put her money into better use than to get a boob job. Then again, it's her money not mine. And they're her boobs, not mine!

She claims her un-boyfriend is behind her 100%. I wonder if he was the one who suggested this in the first place. If I find out that he is responsible for this, I will personally rip out my friend's implants and sew them into his scrotum -- where he will have to sit on them for the rest of his vertically-lived life.

I may have harped about my (lack of) breasts, but I've never, EVER considered getting them "fixed." Ex #4 made a stupid comment about having them done if the procedure were 100% safe. Excuuuuuuuse me, I happen to like my boobies as they are, and everyone else who came before him liked them as they are too. I didn't hear any questions wondering about the effectivity of Chinese creams that claim to increase breast mass from them! I was so incensed at his remarks I shot back at him: "I've NEVER asked you to take peni$-enlarging pills! How would you feel if I asked you to take those?" He dropped the subject like a hot potato. Which was just as well because he was sooooooo fried!